Step 1: Never cry in front of your child at their college. Find a utility closet, close the door, and cry directly over the mops.
Step 2: Don't be an Italian mom, like me. Learn to let go. You don't want your son living in your basement. Then you're other 48 year old son will have no place to live.
Step 3: Do hot yoga every day. Tears look identical to sweat, the extra long yoga mat towels are the perfect sized handkerchiefs for despondent moms, and it also acts as a wonderful sound muffler for when you finally lose your shit.
Step 4: Stay productive. Take a trip maybe to LA, where you can provide a large supply of water to a severely rainless community just by wringing out your eyeballs.
Step 5: Don't play sad songs. Choose melodies such as those created by bands like SlipKnot and Cannibal Corpse.
Step 6: Embrace change.
(Fyi...This doesn't mean crying in new places.)
Step 7: Let's try this again; Embrace change!
Change is good! Change means growth. Growth can be painful. Really painful. Like, crippling, actually. You may not even get out of bed for a few days. Or shower. Causing your immune system to become compromised, or shut down. Where you'll potentially fall victim to some debilitating illness, and lose your ability to ever work again. And then become a raging alcoholic.
Let's move on.
Step 8: Rethink Step 7. (While crying, probably.)
Step 9: Fuck it. Feel your emotions. Cry it out. But be sure to alert neighbors beforehand that in the weeks to come, you are not being maimed by a sounder of wild boar.
Step 10: Dry out tear ducts until they resemble The Salt Flats of Utah. Take pictures of your new Salt Flats tear ducts and post on Facebook as your latest vacation photos.
Step 11: Cry scores of desert snakes and scorpions out of your new desert-like tear ducts, onto your bed until they sting and poison you to death in your sleep.
Step 12: Acceptance. Maybe.
Nah.
:)
(*Enjoy your kids while they're still around to drive you crazy. Love to all the parents saying their college goodbyes..... xo)
