Dr. Whothefuck?

Contrary to popular belief, cancer centers at times are chock full o'comedy.

From the 4' high candy cart filled with Twizzlers, Twix Bars, and Gummy Bears pushed around in the chemotherapy infusion rooms, to the tri-hourly inquiries about your poop's texture, tone and viscosity, in spite of it being a cancer center, you do find many instances to occasionally blast your drink through your nose in a fit of laughter. 

Take for example one of the Pediatric oncologists I recently met at Sloan Kettering. So help me God, her name was...ready?... 
Dr. Cancio. 

That's right... 'Dr. Cancio'. Pronounced like cancer grew up in Italy. 
Pretty sure I would've laughed less if she introduced herself as Dr. Frankenstein. 

The first time she walked in and told me her name, I think my face slid off my skull. 
Every time thereafter, Justin and I, in classic 3 yr old fashion, would dart our eyes at each other, hoping one of us would give the other the strength to not laugh, over her unfortunate name. Wishful thinking by us, because this never happened.

So one day, in an attempt to call attention to the obvious elephant in the room (the elephant with a giant, cancerous tumor hanging off the end of it's trunk),I felt like maybe calling attention to it, might be a better way of diffusing the bomb.  

A few days later, the Dr. came in, and I said to her: 'That's so funny, that you're in oncology and your name is Cancio'.
At which point they all just stared at me, dead-faced and expressionless, like they were in a photograph from the 1920's. 

Me: '*throat clear....You know what I mean?'

They somberly furrowed their brows, and in unison, slowly shook their heads in the 'noooooooo' direction. 

Really??? In all the years she had this name, in all the years she worked alongside people in a cancer center, no one has ever made that connection but me and my 18 year old son? Are people's brains honestly this vastly different? Or does she possibly have brain cancio. 

I'm now starting to think if her name were actually 'Dr. Cancer', they still wouldn't have seen the connection. 

They'd be like, 'What? Cancer is just a name, and the other cancer is an illness... I don't get it.'

Tell me again, how smart Dr's really are, when this oncologist, with 12 years of schooling, in the most accredited academic institution in the world, could not make a blatantly obvious (and laugh-worthy) connection. I'm an idiot, and I saw it. I don't even really mind the lack of sense of humor around it as much as I do the inability to see the irony and similarity in the words. THAT to me, is concerning. (She should see a doctor.) 
Sense of humor is the lesser of the two. Not too sure how badly I'd really want a comedian for a doctor if I had a telescoping tumor protruding out from my anus. Nor is it necessarily a time for yo momma jokes when you're in cardiac arrest. But i do expect a Dr, to be sharp. If they can't make connections between the obvious, and say, Dr. Ahbvius, how can they possibly be capable of making more abstract connections related to your health. 
I think it may be time for more creative people to start venturing into the field of medicine. Maybe less people would die as a result of, you know, thinking and laughing.

Anyway, I should probably go now. Dr Stemcellio is on his way in. 

Stay healthy, my friends. 
Love to you all.