I truly thought I was doing it right.
You know, that cutting and eating an avocado thing. Sadly, that all changed after this crept onto my retina today.
It's never good enough that I make sure I eat a big, fat healthy avocado every day. Nope. I used to think in doing so, I was somehow in the lead. That I was maybe on my way to the fruit race finish line. Where all the awesome people were.
But somehow, somewhere, there always needs to be that brilliantly talented, opportunistic jerkface, with a perfectly ripe avocado, and a full set of archeology tools, to prove you wrong. You know, just popping in to remind me that I'm a highly uncreative, boring as fuck simpleton, with my avocado sandwiches, and salads and mouthwashes. Boring!
Whereas this avocado...ahahaaa... this vision of beauty, magically appearing on my newsfeed just to hammer that final nail in the 'You pretty much suck at everything you do, Dawn', coffin, and to make sure beyond the shadow of an avocado pit's doubt, that I realize that I'm not fully utilizing an avocado's creamy centers to their fullest potential.
Unlike this master of life, every day I partake in the meek, boringly nutritional, caveman chore, such as the act of slicing the flesh of an avocado, and then continue creating my masterpiece by mining out it's mushy centers with the careful acuity and finesse that only an oversized tablespoon can provide.
Then I slap it on a piece of toast, smear it everywhere...on the toast, the plate, probably my hair... like I'm on LSD during a light show, and then jam it down my throat with the elegance of a starved alligator swallowing a kicking gazelle.
Art.
And then I see this flawless visual, and fall nauseously into a fetal position heap and wonder why I've been so creatively short-changed. Simply reaping the dense nutrient profile of an avocado, is 100% for sure, only for lazy, trite, talentless, predictable, peasant, fruit-eating common folk, such as myself.
Next time, carve a detailed bas relief of Gandhi in a flowing robe into your lunch flesh Dawn, or sit the fuck down.
Lesson learned.
Even in the avocado world, there's always someone who'll one up you.
StayHumble.
~dawn
